Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
