After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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