Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
