So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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