Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
