This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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