tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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