He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
