And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
