My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize