I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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