If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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