why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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