you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
