The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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