You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
