I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
