Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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