just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
