i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
