Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
