ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
