marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
