So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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