How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
