You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
