It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
