Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
