"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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