where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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