I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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