Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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