We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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