so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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