is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
