i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
