i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
