yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
