dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
