I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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