Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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