I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
