Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
