That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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