its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
