How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
