You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
