Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
