You're earring is so big in my mouth
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
