if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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