so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just fell off a train. Bad.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
