i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
