seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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