I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
