Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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