Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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