To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
