I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
