she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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